It is Saturday May 31st at 10:11pm.
I have realized that my default setting is antisocial. And without access to my social media or texting it is making being antisocial a lot worse. Although I get out and do things and while I am out doing things I generally try to be up beat I am very used to being reclusive. When I went to visit my boyfriend today I avoided talking to his parents like they were the plague. I don't 'necessarily' have anything against them, but I said "hello" when I arrived and didn't even bother saying goodbye. I used to be really social with them too. I would go out of my way to have a conversation with them. Maybe it is because almost every attempt I have made to converse with them somehow ends up badly for me (ex. I woke up earlier than my boyfriend one day and chatted with his mom for a bit and a week later my boyfriend told me that he got in trouble with his mom for not being a good host and sleeping while I was up (not like he even knew I was up since he was downstairs and I was upstairs). I only talked to her for about 30 minutes before waking him up. But now if I spend the night and I wake up earlier than him (always) I can not stay upstairs around his parents so he doesn't get in trouble.)
Anyway, back onto topic. This project is making me realize how alone I really am. On a consistent basis I talk to my boyfriend and my parents...and maybe two other friends. I have 46 contacts on my phone and at least 300+ friends on facebook but for all that...I feel alone. I can't just call anyone up and have a meaningful conversation with them. During this sort of mental breakdown I'm having I would usually fill it with mindless texts to people I occasionally chat with. Any sort of conversation with them would distract me, but now...Now I get to wallow in it.
I have realized that my default setting is antisocial. And without access to my social media or texting it is making being antisocial a lot worse. Although I get out and do things and while I am out doing things I generally try to be up beat I am very used to being reclusive. When I went to visit my boyfriend today I avoided talking to his parents like they were the plague. I don't 'necessarily' have anything against them, but I said "hello" when I arrived and didn't even bother saying goodbye. I used to be really social with them too. I would go out of my way to have a conversation with them. Maybe it is because almost every attempt I have made to converse with them somehow ends up badly for me (ex. I woke up earlier than my boyfriend one day and chatted with his mom for a bit and a week later my boyfriend told me that he got in trouble with his mom for not being a good host and sleeping while I was up (not like he even knew I was up since he was downstairs and I was upstairs). I only talked to her for about 30 minutes before waking him up. But now if I spend the night and I wake up earlier than him (always) I can not stay upstairs around his parents so he doesn't get in trouble.)
Anyway, back onto topic. This project is making me realize how alone I really am. On a consistent basis I talk to my boyfriend and my parents...and maybe two other friends. I have 46 contacts on my phone and at least 300+ friends on facebook but for all that...I feel alone. I can't just call anyone up and have a meaningful conversation with them. During this sort of mental breakdown I'm having I would usually fill it with mindless texts to people I occasionally chat with. Any sort of conversation with them would distract me, but now...Now I get to wallow in it.