Brownie points if you an count how many times I say the word "like" during this video -_-
So, there are some things that I haven't yet gotten the chance to talk about in my videos, for a variety of reasons. Some of this stuff is hard to say on camera, some of it just slips my mind when I'm on the spot. The first thing I wanted to talk about, or PERSON to be more specific, is my brother. Matthew is the kind of person who is a bit nerdy, extremely smart, funny, thoughtful, but ultimately extremely confident in his apparent unconfidence. What a weirdo (I say that in the most loving way). But because he believes himself to be so inept at inter-human communication, he also tends to enjoy copious amounts of alone time, most of which he spends immersed in his own musings. As of now, I am the exact opposite of him in this respect. I don't really enjoy being alone with my thoughts anymore (although I used to), I love to be involved in the world around me, and I can't have quiet all the time. We fight about this the most in the car. While I would love to listen to the radio, singing the lyrics to my favorite songs in strange and funny voices, Matthew would rather sit in radio silence, with minimal conversation, so that he might be able to process life within the confines of his mind. And I totally respect that. In fact, I used to be the same way. My favorite thing to do in high school was to be able to sit in silence away from people, and just ponder. I used to find being by myself enjoyable. I didn't have to listen to people talking on and on about things that frankly didn't interest me (of course at the time, I was trying to overcome my mother's death, so the normalcy of others lives didn't seem real to me). However, for better or worse, once I entered college everything changed. Not all at once, of course, but over the course of my college career I seem to have opened up more than ever. But at what cost? I spend more time than ever on social media, tuning in to the lives of others or trying my best to stay caught up with the latest shows in an attempt at being culturally relevant. I'm no longer able to just sit alone with myself, to feel things that are real, and delve into the roots of those feelings. Two weeks ago I remember scoffing at my brother for relishing in silence. Now I'm not so sure if I should have. Giving up social media has made me think twice about that. More than ever, I feel that social media can be and has become my addiction. Slowly I feel that I'm relearning to just BE. And it's difficult, and painful, and awkward, but it's necessary. Because at the end of the day social media tells us that we are not alone (which is mostly true), but also goes further to convince us that we should not be alone, that it's weird or strange to be alone with your thoughts and enjoy it. So next time you think that profound thought you simply need to share on Facebook or Twitter, next time you're tempted to write a post about how sad you feel (and then proceed to say it's nothing or you don't want to talk about it), stop yourself. Ask yourself if it's really necessary. Ask yourself why you feel it's necessary, or WHY you feel the way you do. And then just think about it, our journal it. Hopefully you'll be surprised at the things you learn about yourself, and the insights you make. I personally am attempting to do that through this post :) and hopefully one day I'll be more like my brother, and to fully appreciate and be comfortable with being by myself.
P.s I know it seems like I'm railing on social media, or people who enjoy using it, but I'm not. I think that social media sites like Facebook and Twitter have tons of benefits. I just think it's easy to lose sight of ourselves when we get too caught up in other people (as I so clearly have), so just think of this as a friendly reminder that you are important too! It's important to know yourself as well as you know your way around the internet, and it's important to be introspective sometimes, so don't let yourself lose out on reality just because you became too involved in your virtual life :)